Even food shopping required renegotiation, he says. "When we were together she used to cook and do the shopping, and continued to after the split. I didn't try to change things – why would I? But when she started seeing someone else, she decided to stop." Despite continued friendship with his ex, he would not suggest others follow his example. "I would advise anyone in my situation to move out of a shared property, rent it out, split the rental income and make your own arrangements."
即使是購買食品也需要重新談判，他說?！拔覀冸x婚前，常常是她做飯和購物，離婚后也是如此。我沒有試圖改變什么 ——為什么要改變？但是，當(dāng)她開始考慮其他配偶人選后，她決定不這樣了。”盡管與前妻相處友好，但他不建議別人以他為榜樣?！拔視ㄗh像我這種情況的人搬出共有房屋，將之租出去，然后分割租金收入，自行安排自己的生活?！?/p>
But if you see no alternative to living together, Bonham says ground rules are essential. If necessary, remarks Lake-Carroll, it might be worth involving another person – a friend, family member or a professional family mediator. "When people get caught up in a crisis they become paralysed and lose perspective. They can behave in very peculiar ways."
但如果你除了一起生活外沒有其它選擇，博納姆說，那定一些基本規(guī)則就是必不可少的。萊克·卡羅爾認(rèn)為，必要情況下，邀請另一個人介入可能值得一試，朋友、家人或?qū)I(yè)的家庭調(diào)解員皆可?！爱?dāng)人們陷入危機(jī)，思維就容易僵化，看問題容易鉆牛角尖，行事方式可能非常怪異?！?/p>
Alpert has helped many couples in this situation work out how to cope – "how to bring dates home, handle expenses and simply cohabitate, given the stress of the relationship." Nonetheless, he says, there are cases "where trouble looms [in spite of the ground rules] due to resentment, usually when the relationship ended in a way that one person feels is unfair. If a couple agrees not to bring other people home, then that may lead to resentment. Further, if someone doesn't come home at night, it raises suspicion and leads to trouble." Lake-Carroll advises people in this situation to "make space for themselves – go on short breaks or days out with friends."
阿爾珀特曾為很多處于這一境地的夫妻提供應(yīng)對建議——“如何在家里約會、處理費(fèi)用問題，或（鑒于男女關(guān)系的壓力）僅僅同居的問題?！辈贿^，他說，在某些情況下，“（雖然制定了基本規(guī)則，）但由于怨恨情緒，問題還是會出現(xiàn)，這通常出現(xiàn)在夫妻關(guān)系以某一方感覺不公平的方式結(jié)束之時。如果一對夫婦商定不帶其他人回家，這就可能導(dǎo)致另一方不滿。此外，如果有人晚上不回家，那就會引起另一方的懷疑，從而導(dǎo)致許多問題?！比R克·卡羅爾建議面臨此種情況的人“為自己制造一些空間——短暫休息一段時間，或與朋友外出游玩幾天?！?/p>
Nicholas Rose, a psychotherapist based in London, adds that rules continually need to be revised. "A couple will only become fully aware of how easy or difficult the restructured relationship is once they try." He suggests establishing a trial period and a date for review. One couple he worked with agreed "they would fully review [the situation] once the incentive period of their mortgage came to an end, when they would be free of any financial penalties and theoretically in a position to sell and buy separately." This couple has successfully managed to live together for more than two-and-a-half years.
倫敦心理醫(yī)生尼古拉斯·羅斯補(bǔ)充說，規(guī)則需要不斷加以修訂?！爸挥袊L試了，夫婦才會充分認(rèn)識到重組后的相處關(guān)系是怎樣的難易?！彼ㄗh設(shè)定一段試行期，并確定一個重新評估日期。他為之工作的一對夫婦就商定：“一旦按揭貸款的激勵期結(jié)束，他們將全面重估（相關(guān)狀況）。激勵期結(jié)束后，他們將不再受制于財務(wù)懲罰條款，理論上已經(jīng)可以分別出售和購買房屋?！边@對夫妻已成功地共同生活了兩年半以上。
The key, says Lake-Carroll, is that couples need to "work out how to make the atmosphere and situation bearable for themselves and the children. No recession lasts for ever. Eventually, the market adapts and finds innovative solutions."
萊克·卡羅爾表示，關(guān)鍵在于，夫妻需要“設(shè)法讓家里的氣氛可以讓自己和子女能夠忍受。經(jīng)濟(jì)衰退不會永遠(yuǎn)持續(xù)下去。市場最終會適應(yīng)新的形勢并找到創(chuàng)新的解決方案。”
Some couples, she says, have found more suitable properties through house swaps, either through traditional estate agents offering such a service or via dedicated sites such as Homeswapper4sale.co.uk. Home swapping, traditionally a way to find temporary accommodation for holidays (by exchanging properties in different countries), is now being used to help initiate sales by matching the homes of people who want to trade up or down but are unable to sell in a normal chain because of stale market conditions.
她說，一些夫婦通過房屋交換，找到了更合適的房子，既可以通過提供這項服務(wù)的傳統(tǒng)房產(chǎn)代理，也可通過Homeswapper4sale.co.uk等專門的網(wǎng)站尋找。傳統(tǒng)上，房屋交換是一種為假日尋找臨時居所的方式（通過交換在不同國家的房子來實(shí)現(xiàn)），現(xiàn)在它正被用來幫助那些想換好一點(diǎn)或差一點(diǎn)房子的人來配對，以促進(jìn)銷售。由于市場狀況不景氣，這些人往往很難通過正常途徑賣掉房子。
For those couples who sell their property using the traditional route, the process can still be fraught with tension, according to Phil Tennant, regional sales director for central and south-west London at Hamptons International. "The hardest job is to sell a property when the split is acrimonious – you have to have two conversations, as they never agree. We joke we should get a higher percentage when couples are divorcing because it's twice as much work. We could get 100 viewings, 10 offers and none are acceptable."
對于那些通過傳統(tǒng)途徑出售房子的夫婦，交易過程可能仍充滿緊張氣氛，漢普頓國際倫敦中部和西南區(qū)銷售主管菲爾·特南特說?！叭绻恐鞣驄D的離異氣氛糟糕，那么出售其共有房屋將是最艱難的一件事，你必須與兩個人談話，因為他們的意見從來都不一致。我們開玩笑說，如果房主夫婦正在離婚，那么我們應(yīng)該得到較高的傭金比例，因為這樣的工作量是平時的兩倍?？赡軙?00個客戶看房，10個客戶給出報價，最終沒有一個報價可以接受?！?/p>
This is why Lake-Carroll suggests looking at an ex-partner "as someone you don't get on with at work – most of us don't have the luxury of treating a co-worker in an unreasonable manner, so get on with it."
正因如此，萊克·卡羅爾建議，將前配偶看作“你在工作中與之相處不好的人，很顯然，我們大多數(shù)人都沒有條件以一種不切實(shí)際的方式對待一位同事，因此，我們還是效率優(yōu)先吧?！?/p>
If this sounds grim, Alpert offers hope for a romantic ending: "I've had several couples on the brink of divorce and living as roommates rekindle the passion and go on to have a very healthy marriage."
如果覺得這聽起來很殘酷，阿爾珀特的說法則讓人看到了浪漫分手的希望所在：“我有好幾對客戶夫妻處于離婚邊緣，但在室友一樣的共同生活中重新燃起了熱情，然后過上了非常健康的婚姻生活?！?/p>
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（來源：原版英語 編輯：Julie）
