話說，在閨蜜的婚禮上，做她的伴娘，很多女孩應(yīng)該都憧憬過這樣的場景吧？國外一位妹子也是這么想的，然而，新娘提出的五花八門的要求，卻讓她徹！底！傻！眼！故事，是這樣的。

近日，美國著名八卦網(wǎng)站Gawker發(fā)布了一封特別的電子郵件——與其說這是一封郵件，倒不如把它當(dāng)成一則笑話。發(fā)件人是一位新娘，在婚禮前，她為她的伴娘們制定了十項守則。郵件全文如下：

“Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
“歡迎加入我的伴娘團！婚禮還有6個月就要開始了，今天給大家說說伴娘的幾條基本守則吧！

1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room.
3周后我們開始稱體重哈。我感恩節(jié)后長胖了不少，估計瘦身需要時間，所以也給大家留了個緩沖期。

2. No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
不許比新娘瘦。所以，五月份前Kelly和Lizzie你倆該多吃點了，我會讓營養(yǎng)師給你們打電話討論飲食計劃哦。

3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
婚禮前，大家都必須規(guī)律作息時間。我可不想看著你們頂著黑眼圈和眼袋出現(xiàn)在我的婚禮上，大家都理解吧？

4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids".
關(guān)于泳衣，我給大家準備了比基尼哦，屁股上會用人造鉆石拼出“maids”（伴娘）。

5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
希望大家在婚禮前都穿沒有肩帶的比基尼，要知道穿抹胸裙時露出內(nèi)衣肩帶的曬痕很難看。

6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
都記得帶上防曬霜啊，希望大家到時候都光彩照人，不要被曬得紅撲撲的。

7. Speeches: If you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
如果有人計劃在婚禮上給我祝福，記得提前把祝酒詞給我審核修改一下，記住，一定要在距離婚禮4周之前提出哦。

8. Haircuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
發(fā)型。如果有人想剪頭發(fā)，一定要提前報備，經(jīng)過我允許才能剪。染發(fā)也一樣哈。

9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
出席。我當(dāng)然希望婚禮上每一個環(huán)節(jié)大家都在，不過，經(jīng)過我允許的特殊情況可以除外。

10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
還有紋身，婚禮（6月5日）之前大家都不要再紋身了。已經(jīng)有紋身的我會挨個聯(lián)系你們，商量怎么暫時把它遮一下。

Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
謝謝大家的關(guān)心和支持。只要大家都遵守這些小小的規(guī)定，我敢保證我們一定會度過一個難忘的婚禮。

Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
哈哈，人家開玩笑啦，愛你們噢。

[The Bride]"
你們的新娘子”

*****************

看到這些“規(guī)定”，大家也都會心一笑，真是個幽默可愛的新娘子啊。

然而，新娘接下來的一封郵件卻讓她們意識到，納尼？你居然是認真的？？

Girls,
嗨，姑娘們，

It has been brought to my attention that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."
我發(fā)現(xiàn)伴娘中有人違反了第8條守則，“沒經(jīng)過我允許，不能擅自剪發(fā)染發(fā)。”

While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridal party banishment!
我知道你們可能不小心疏忽了，所以再次提醒大家，不遵守伴娘守則的人會被驅(qū)逐出我的伴娘團哦。

I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
那位染了頭發(fā)的姑娘請立即主動給我打電話，在今天之內(nèi)提出解決辦法。

Respectfully yours.
愛你們。

The Queen Bee
新娘

******************

伴娘們還沒回過神來，新娘子的第三封郵件來了：

Hello my faithful bees,
親愛的伴娘們：

Chloe has colored her hair. She has repented her sins to the QB and she has been forgiven for her minor lapse in forgetting the protocol.
Chloe沒經(jīng)過我允許擅自染發(fā)，她很內(nèi)疚，我原諒她了。

Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.
Chelsea提出請求，想剪頭發(fā)，她值得表揚哦，雖然我拒絕了她的請求。

Onto to my next point. We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.
馬上我們就要開始稱體重啦，我會給大家發(fā)一個表格，希望大家填寫好，并拍下體重秤的照片一起發(fā)過來。

xoxo,
么么噠。

The Queen Bee
新娘

******************

就在大家怒火中燒的時候，新娘的郵件再次姍姍到來：

Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point.
下午好，姑娘們，我很遺憾你們當(dāng)中有人再次違反了伴娘守則第8條。Chelsea向我提出剪頭發(fā)的申請，被我拒絕后她自作主張去剪了劉海。本來我應(yīng)該將她逐出伴娘隊伍，但經(jīng)過考慮后，我決定將她“留職查看”。只要她在婚禮前兩周將劉海蓄長，就可以再次加入我們。她已經(jīng)向我保證，在婚禮前會堅持使用馬油洗發(fā)水，促進頭發(fā)生長。

Additionally, if anyone does decide to break any future rules, please do not try to justify your behavior by telling me what other maids are doing in other weddings. I do not care and I am the QB.
有伴娘跟我抱怨，說別人婚禮上的伴娘可沒這么多要求。我的婚禮我做主，才不管她們是怎么做的。

xoxo
么么。

******************

在新娘的郵件轟炸下，大家已經(jīng)無力吐槽了。這是另一封：

Hello My Beautiful Bees,
美麗的伴娘們，

All of you should be receiving your dresses in the mail shortly, I know some of you already have. If you could please send me a picture of yourself in the dress, I would greatly appreciate it. I am assuming the dress is going to mandate spanx b/c the material is unforgiving, so I am curious to see how it will look.
很快大家就要收到伴娘禮服了（我知道有些人已經(jīng)收到了），料子是沒彈性的，所以收到后拍一張你們穿上的樣子發(fā)給我。

I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine... Remember no pashminas, just long and slender arms!!!
希望大家從今天開始清淡飲食。另外，希望大家加強對胳膊的鍛煉。婚禮上不能有披肩，只能有修長的胳膊哦~

xoxox
么么噠。

據(jù)吐槽的妹子介紹，婚禮的效果嘛，確實很美很有氣氛，可是……

And that one bridesmaid was later asked to "wear a pashmina to cover her 'fat arms.'"
另一位胳膊比較粗的伴娘，在婚禮現(xiàn)場被要求穿上披肩把胳膊遮一遮……

網(wǎng)友評論節(jié)選：

叫我爹地啦：這是你閨蜜還是你的奴隸？

無視君：實力演繹天下皆她媽

姜亦?。篹xm？？？？自己多完美？？？敢這么要求別人？？

草莓超甜的呦：誰愛當(dāng)誰當(dāng) 老娘不當(dāng) 神經(jīng)??！

NO_弟弟：一開始那一封也并沒有幽默可愛

水地梨：這…以為她是教官吶

一個在野設(shè)計師的日常：婚禮后新娘子成了個連載小說作家

英文來源：外媒綜合
中文來源：英國那些事兒
編輯：丹妮