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Remember that old tune "Friday, I'm in Love"? Well, some daters are looking to make it a reality. "I have found a wonderful weekend lover," reads a testimonial by "Leah, 38" on the new dating website, parttimelove.co.uk. "He asks for no more, and the times we spend together are magical." The site, launched in early January, is the brainchild of relationship author and blogger Helen Croydon. Its target demographic is people who want to be independent but also want to fall in love, she says. Some may wonder whether Part Time Love is simply the newest in a line of dating sites where users troll for one-night stands. But the site isn't just Tinder with a romantic sheen, if you believe its marketing spiel. "We are not a no-strings website. We are for singles looking for regular partners with mutual attraction, genuine friendship, respect and a magical spark but whom have no expectations of moving in after three months and value their free time and independence," claims the site, which users must opt into via other, more established dating sites. Croydon asserts that a low-maintenance or part-time relationship is distinctively different than the eloquently named "booty call," or the even more lucid "casual encounter" in that the goal is lasting love. Croydon admits it's not for everyone. She envisions her demographic as users in their mid-to-late 30s and early 40s who are set in their ways and might find it difficult to adapt domestically to a new partner. "They're realistic on the fairytale," she says. Croydon explores what she calls "low-maintenance relationships" in her new book "Screw the Fairytale: A Modern Girl's Guide to Sex and Love," in which she debunks the traditional ideal of the omnipresent partner. Croydon says she never wants to get married or have kids. (She's also quite familiar with unorthodox dating styles; her first book, "Sugar Daddy Diaries," was about her penchant for older men.) "You don't have to see someone three to four nights a week to express love," she told CNN over the phone from London. "In every other aspect of life, we've gone for convenience, independence and where individualism is promoted," she says. "Yet, you have this socially approved model of relationship that you live together." Croydon says for it to work, the partners' emphasis is still on a genuine relationship, in that there is romance and sparks but "without all the monotony and obligation of a full-time relationship." Jill Weber, a Virginia-based clinical psychologist and author of"Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships" says this particular style of dating can certainly feel empowering as it allows daters to compartmentalize the relationship. "It protects you; there's less vulnerability," she says. Sooner or later, though, she says one or both partners might catch stronger feelings and want something more. "Ultimately, what connects us with one another is being vulnerable," she asserts. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Weber says it's also important for each partner to feel like they have their own life. "You should feel safe and at ease in your relationship," she says, meaning that you aren't constantly worrying where your partner is and vice versa. If that's not the case, a conversation about space is in order. Failing that, it might be time to re-evaluate the healthiness of the relationship. As for Croydon, she's still single and ready to mingle part-time. |
據(jù)CNN報道，還記得那首《星期五，我們相愛吧》的舊歌曲嗎？是啊，現(xiàn)今一些約會中的情侶指望把它變成現(xiàn)實(shí)。 “我找到了一個心儀的周末情人，”38歲的利亞在新約會網(wǎng)站——parttimelove.co.uk上的一篇文章中寫道，“他不要求什么，我們在一起妙不可言?！?/p> 這家網(wǎng)站元月上旬開始運(yùn)營，是根據(jù)戀人關(guān)系作者和博主海倫·克羅伊登的想法建成。她說，網(wǎng)站的目標(biāo)人群是那些又想獨(dú)立又想戀愛的人。 一些人可能會發(fā)問，在一系列會員尋找一夜情的網(wǎng)站中，臨時情人網(wǎng)是否只是最新的網(wǎng)站。但是如果你把它的廣告詞當(dāng)真，它就不僅是用來交友了。 “我們的網(wǎng)站并非是一夜情網(wǎng)站。我們?yōu)閱紊碚呓?，讓他們找到相互吸引，情真意切，相互尊重和激情四射意中人，不希?個月后就搬到家里來，看重?zé)o拘無束和獨(dú)立自主?！本W(wǎng)站聲稱，其會員必須通過更成熟的其它約會網(wǎng)站選擇進(jìn)入。 克羅伊登聲稱，低頻來往或者叫臨時關(guān)系與被生動地稱為“上床電話”或更好懂的“邂逅”不盡相同，因?yàn)槠淠繕?biāo)是長久情愛。 克羅伊登承認(rèn)，網(wǎng)站并非適合每個人。她預(yù)計目標(biāo)人群是30多歲到剛過40歲的人，他們行為方式固定，可能難以適應(yīng)新伴侶。 “他們在故事里是真實(shí)的，”她說。 克羅伊登在她的新書《搞亂神話：現(xiàn)代女孩性與愛的指南》中探索她所謂的“低頻來往”，在書中她揭開了無所不在的伴侶的傳統(tǒng)理念。克羅伊登說，她從來沒想結(jié)婚生子。（她非常熟悉非傳統(tǒng)交往；她的第一本書《色狼日記》就是寫關(guān)于她偏好老男人。） “你不必每周三四夜去見某個人表達(dá)愛，”她從倫敦通過電話告訴有線新聞網(wǎng). "在生活的其他每一個方面，我們尋求個人舒適，獨(dú)立，推崇個人主義，”她說，“然而，你的這種同居關(guān)系的生活模式要得到社會認(rèn)可。” 克羅伊登說，為了進(jìn)展順利，還是要強(qiáng)調(diào)伴侶的真實(shí)關(guān)系，因?yàn)榧扔欣寺图で?，但又“完全沒有專任伴侶的單調(diào)和義務(wù)?！?/p> 《與人上床，缺乏親密：為什么女人們滿足于單邊關(guān)系》一書的作者、弗吉尼亞州的臨床心理學(xué)家吉爾·韋伯說，這種特殊的約會方式肯定能感覺增加了自主權(quán)，因?yàn)樵试S約會者劃分這種關(guān)系界限。 “這種關(guān)系保護(hù)你，讓你少受傷，”她說。 她說，但是早晚有一天，一方或者雙方可能會有更強(qiáng)烈的感情和有更多的要求。 “最終，把我們彼此聯(lián)系在一起的是人性的脆弱，”她斷言。 韋伯說，相反，每一個情侶都感覺他們有自己的生活也是很重要的。 “在你的關(guān)系中，你應(yīng)該感到安全和自在，”她說，意思是你不必時刻擔(dān)心你的伴侶在哪兒，反之亦然。如果情況不是那樣，就應(yīng)該進(jìn)行關(guān)于個人空間的談話了。如果沒能這樣，可能是時候重新評估關(guān)系的健康狀態(tài)了。 至于克羅伊登，她仍然單身一人，準(zhǔn)備結(jié)交臨時情人。 （譯者 Carysong 編輯 王輝） 掃一掃，關(guān)注微博微信
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