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The two key things people judge you on when they first meet you
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When you meet someone for the first time, do you put across a good impression? And what do we mean by 'good' in this context?
與人第一次見(jiàn)面時(shí),你能給人留下一個(gè)好印象嗎?在這里我們所謂的“好”又指的是什么呢?
According to Presence, a new book by Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, people assess you on two main criteria when they first meet you:
哈佛商學(xué)院教授艾米·庫(kù)迪的新書(shū)《存在》 ,談到了影響第一印象的兩個(gè)主要評(píng)判標(biāo)準(zhǔn):
1. Can I trust this person?
他(她)值得我信賴嗎?
2. Can I respect this person?
他(她)值得我尊重嗎?
You level of trustworthiness, or warmth, is the most important factor in how people initially perceive you, Cuddy says - yet many mistakenly believe that the second factor, characterised as competence, is more important.
庫(kù)迪說(shuō),可信度(或者說(shuō)親近感)是影響人們第一印象最重要的因素。但許多人錯(cuò)誤的認(rèn)為第二個(gè)因素——能力——才更重要。
"From an evolutionary perspective,” Cuddy writes, “it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.”
庫(kù)迪在書(shū)中寫道:“從進(jìn)化的角度看,知曉一個(gè)人是否值得我們信任,對(duì)我們的生存更為重要?!?/p>
While displaying competence is certainly beneficial, particularly in a work setting, Cuddy warns that focusing on winning people's respect, while failing to win their trust, can backfire - a common problem for young professionals attempting to make a good impression early on in their careers.
向別人展示能力當(dāng)然會(huì)對(duì)我們有好處,尤其是在工作場(chǎng)合。但庫(kù)迪提醒大家,只顧贏得別人的尊重而忽視贏得別人的信任,可能會(huì)適得其反。想要在事業(yè)早期給別人留下好印象的職場(chǎng)新人,普遍存在這個(gè)問(wèn)題。
"If someone you're trying to influence doesn't trust you, you're not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative," Cuddy says.
庫(kù)迪說(shuō):“如果你嘗試去影響的人并不信任你,那么你是走不了很遠(yuǎn)的;事實(shí)上,因?yàn)槟憬o別人留下了控制欲強(qiáng)的印象,他們反而對(duì)你有疑慮?!?/p>
"A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you've established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat."
一個(gè)平易近人、值得信任,同時(shí)能力又強(qiáng)的人,才會(huì)讓人心生敬佩。不過(guò),只有在你們之間建立了信任后,你的能力才會(huì)變成一種優(yōu)點(diǎn),而不是一種威脅。
In Cuddy's book she also explains some of the science that can help you spot a liar.
庫(kù)迪在書(shū)中也提供了一些科學(xué)理論,可以幫你識(shí)別撒謊的人。
When a person is lying there is likely to be discrepancies between what they are saying and what they are doing, she suggests.
她表示,一個(gè)人在說(shuō)謊時(shí),他的言行可能會(huì)有不一致的地方。
“Lying is hard work," she writes. “We're telling one story while suppressing another, and most of us are experiencing psychological guilt about doing this, which we're also trying suppress. We just don't have the brainpower to manage it all without letting something go - without 'leaking’.”
她寫道:“說(shuō)謊并非易事,編造謊言的同時(shí)也意味著隱瞞另一個(gè)事實(shí),大多數(shù)人還會(huì)因撒謊而心生愧疚,并試圖掩蓋愧疚。我們?nèi)祟惖哪X力還沒(méi)有強(qiáng)大到可以在撒謊時(shí)做到天衣無(wú)縫——即不讓自己“露餡”。
The author adds that these ‘leaks’ can be seen in a person displaying conflicting emotions, like a happy tone of voice paired with an angry facial expression.
作者補(bǔ)充說(shuō),如果一個(gè)人表達(dá)的情感產(chǎn)生了沖突——比如語(yǔ)調(diào)是歡快的,但同時(shí)呈現(xiàn)的面部表情卻是憤怒的——最容易被人抓住撒謊的漏洞。
“It’s about how well or poorly our multiple channels of communication — facial expressions, posture, movement, vocal qualities, speech – co-operate,” she adds.
她還說(shuō),這跟我們與人交流時(shí),對(duì)身體協(xié)調(diào)能力的掌控有關(guān):包括面部表情、姿勢(shì)、動(dòng)作、音質(zhì)以及說(shuō)話方式。
Professor Cuddy argues that most of us are not very good at spotting a liaras we are distracted by the words coming out of their mouth.
庫(kù)迪教授說(shuō),大多數(shù)人并不善于識(shí)別說(shuō)謊者,因?yàn)槲覀兛赡軙?huì)被他們的言語(yǔ)分散注意力。
“When we’re consciously looking for signs of deception or truth, we pay too much attention to words and not enough to the nonverbal gestalt of what’s going on,” the professor adds. “Truth reveals itself more clearly through actions than it does through our words.
她補(bǔ)充說(shuō):“當(dāng)我們小心翼翼找尋謊言或事實(shí)的跡象時(shí),我們往往會(huì)過(guò)分關(guān)注說(shuō)話人的言語(yǔ),而忽視與之同時(shí)出現(xiàn)的肢體語(yǔ)言。肢體動(dòng)作比言語(yǔ)更能揭示出事實(shí)真相?!?/p>
英文來(lái)源:每日電訊報(bào)
譯者:心若水
審校&編輯:杜娟
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