相比經(jīng)常見面的情侶，異地戀情侶需要付出更多才能維系一段感情。想要讓異地戀開花結(jié)果，有些錯誤絕對不能犯，一起來看看專家的建議。

When you and your partner live in different cities — or even different countries — a lot of your energy as a couple will be devoted to maintaining your connection. You’ll send an abundance of texts, have standing FaceTime dates, and maybe mail each other a cute letter or two. But even when you do your best to stay in touch, there are a number of mistakes long-distance partners make that can lead to a breakup.

如果你和你的伴侶生活在不同的城市甚至不同的國家，你們將會花費(fèi)大量精力用于維系你們的感情。你會發(fā)很多短信，用視頻聊天軟件約會，可能還會互寄情書。但是，即使你已經(jīng)盡力維系感情，有一些錯誤還是可能導(dǎo)致分手。

While any type of relationship takes work, long-distance relationships require a little extra effort and dedication — and it has to come equally from both partners, says Boston-based psychotherapist Angela Ficken. Big issues, like not being on the same page about communication or boundaries, will definitely chip away at your connection. But small issues can have an impact, too.

波士頓心理治療師安吉拉·菲肯說，盡管維系任何感情都需要付出努力，但是異地戀需要付出的更多，而且雙方都要共同努力。有些大問題，比如沒有在交流或界限上達(dá)成共識，肯定會日漸損害你們的感情。不過小問題也可能會產(chǎn)生影響。

Even though it’s tough, it is possible for long-distance relationships to thrive, says Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist. If you notice any of the issues listed below, find time to chat — preferably on a video call — so you can talk it out as a duo.

持牌婚姻家庭治療師凱莉·哈特曼說，盡管維持異地戀很難，但是異地戀還是有可能開花結(jié)果的。如果你注意到你們的感情出現(xiàn)了下面列出的任何一個問題，找時間聊聊，最好是通過視頻電話，這樣你們可以一起溝通解決。

Here are some mistakes that people can make in a long-distance relationship, according to experts.

來看看專家指出的異地戀中可能犯的錯誤。

1. You Don’t Have Any Relationship “Rules”

你們沒有制定規(guī)則

Since long-distance relationships can lead to, well, distance, it helps to go in with a clear understanding of what your LDR will look like. In order to stay on the same page, “it's important to have open and honest conversations about what each partner wants and needs from the relationship,” Ficken says.

因為異地戀會產(chǎn)生距離，所以明確了解自己將如何開展異地戀將有助于縮短距離。為了讓雙方步調(diào)一致，菲肯表示：“開誠布公地談一談彼此對這段感情的需求很重要?！?/p>

That means ensuring you agree on boundaries, communication, and expectations. If you part ways without having agreed on the basics — like how often you’d both like to text or even the status of the relationship — the resulting misunderstandings and frustrations can lead to a breakup.

也就是說，你們要確保在界限、交流方式和期望上達(dá)成一致。如果你們在最基本的事項上（比如你們發(fā)短信的頻率或?qū)ν夤嫉那楦袪顟B(tài)）尚未統(tǒng)一意見就離別，那么隨之而來的誤解和沮喪可能會導(dǎo)致分手。

2. You Let Other People’s Opinions Cause Doubt

你被別人的意見左右，開始質(zhì)疑這段感情

"There are a lot of haters out there when it comes to long-distance relationships,” notes Samantha Newton, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker. When you’re in one, chances are your friends and family will express doubts and worries.

持有執(zhí)照的臨床社工薩曼莎·牛頓指出：“很多人不看好異地戀。”如果你是異地戀，你的親友們很可能會表示質(zhì)疑和擔(dān)心。

According to Newton, they might suggest you date someone who lives closer or express worry that your partner will cheat. And before you know it, you’ll start to feel like they’ve got a point. While it doesn’t hurt to hear them out, these concerns are often more about them than you.

牛頓表示，他們可能會建議你和住得比較近的某人約會，或擔(dān)心你的伴侶偷吃。然后不知不覺地，你會開始覺得他們說的有道理。盡管聽聽也無妨，但是這些顧慮通常只是他們根據(jù)自己的經(jīng)歷做出的判斷，和你沒多大關(guān)系。

"Be cautious about who you open up to about your relationships and do not allow their personal relationship preferences to place doubt in your mind about your own,” Newton says. If your relationship is happy and strong, that’s all that matters.

牛頓說：“不要隨便和別人敞開心扉談?wù)撟约旱母星?，也不要讓他們對感情的個人看法影響到你，讓你對自己的感情產(chǎn)生懷疑?！比绻愕母星殛P(guān)系快樂又穩(wěn)固，這才是最重要的。

3. You Don’t Have A Visit Planned

你們沒有計劃好下一次見面的時間

Not knowing when you're going to see each other again can be really challenging, says Erin Dierickx, LMFTA, a licensed marriage and family therapist. It can heighten feelings of loneliness, distrust, and doubt — and it’s also just kind of a bummer.

持牌婚姻家庭治療師艾琳·迪爾里克斯說，不知道什么時候再見面真的會給異地戀帶來挑戰(zhàn)。你會感覺更孤獨(dú)，對伴侶更加不信任和懷疑，也會對這段感情感到失望。

"If at all possible, schedule when you'll see each other next,” Dierickx says. “Even if it's months out, having a set date provides hope for the relationship and lessens the discouragement and fear around what may happen in the coming months due to not knowing when you'll see each other next.”

迪爾里克斯說：“如果可能的話，安排好下次見面的時間。即使是幾個月后，定好時間會讓雙方對這段感情抱有希望，也會減少未來幾個月因為不知何時再見面而產(chǎn)生的沮喪和擔(dān)憂?！?/p>

4. You Forget To Schedule Dates

忘記安排約會

Scheduling date nights is just as important in an LDR as it is in person, so don’t let too many Friday nights go by without doing something fun. Think HBO watch parties, FaceTime dinner dates, or a long walk while you chat about your week.

面對面約會很重要，但對異地戀情侶而言，安排線上約會之夜也同樣重要，所以不要各自無聊地虛度一個又一個周五晚上。你們可以考慮相約一起看HBO頻道的電影，通過視頻聊天軟件共進(jìn)晚餐，或者一邊煲電話粥一邊散步，聊聊你們這周發(fā)生的事情。

"We become closer to others through spending time with them and a great way to do this is through some kind of activity," says Dr. Alisha Powell, LCSW, a therapist and licensed clinical social worker. "Long distance makes it more challenging, but watching movies, having dinner together, or video chatting while doing the same activity can increase emotional intimacy.”

臨床社工艾麗莎·鮑威爾博士說：“我們和他人的感情因為共度時光而變得更加親密，加深感情的一個好方法就是一起做某件事。這對異地戀情侶來說可能更難，但是一起看電影、用餐或一邊做同樣的事一邊視頻聊天可以讓感情更親密。”

5. You Neglect Your Own Lives

你忽視了自己的個人生活

Too much of a good thing can sometimes be a problem. For example, if you're both working hard to create a healthy relationship, it can get to the point where most of your time is spent thinking about each other. While that’s adorable, you need to take care of yourselves, as well as your partnership, in order for it to last.

有時候過猶不及。舉例而言，如果你們都在努力經(jīng)營這段感情，你們可能大多數(shù)時間都在思念對方。盡管這樣很甜蜜，但是除了經(jīng)營好感情，你也需要照顧好自己，感情才能長長久久。

As Powell says, “It’s important for both partners to have their own lives so that they won’t end up resenting each other." It’s totally OK to put your phone down, take a breather, see friends, or spend some time alone.

正如鮑威爾所說：“異地戀情侶有各自的生活很重要，這樣他們最后才不會怨恨彼此?！蹦阃耆梢园咽謾C(jī)放下，讓自己喘口氣，見見朋友，或花些時間獨(dú)處。

英文來源：Bustle

翻譯&編輯：丹妮