爸爸這個稱呼讓我們聯(lián)想到的詞常常是父愛如山、沉默寡言、嚴(yán)厲等等。

但是英文里有個詞叫做Latte Pappa，直譯過來就是“拿鐵爸爸”，乍一看不知道是什么。

其實它是對瑞典全職爸爸的昵稱。

也可以寫作latte papa，latte dad，表達(dá)類似意思的還有SAHD——Stay-at-home dad（全職爸爸）。

"Latte papa" is a slang term that refers to a very attentive and attractive Swedish dad that can often be found in coffee shops with prams (hence the "Latte" name), wearing designer clothes, and toting one or more kids.

“拿鐵爸爸”是一個俚語，指的是一個非常細(xì)心且有魅力的瑞典爸爸，你常常能在咖啡館（所以才有“拿鐵”這個名字）看到他們推著嬰兒車，穿著名牌衣服，帶著一個或多個小孩兒。

Men with prams have become such a familiar sight since shared parental leave was first introduced in 1974 in Sweden that there's the name – "latte pappas" – for the tribe.

自從1974年共享育兒假在瑞典首次頒布以來，男人推嬰兒車已經(jīng)變得十分常見，以至于這個群體有了一個名字——“拿鐵爸爸”。

《衛(wèi)報》記者Richard Orange在瑞典城市馬爾默的公共游樂空間觀察到寶爸們的數(shù)量常常超過寶媽們，寶爸們也是職業(yè)各異。

At the free-of-charge, drop-in play group in Malm? that is my morning refuge, the pappas often outnumber the mammas. I'll find myself sitting cross-legged next to a taciturn Swedish engineer, a heavily tattooed biker, or another migrant – a computer programmer from Chennai – as our children play with the wooden blocks, rattles and drums.

瑞典馬爾默城的免費游樂場所是我早上可以喘息一會的地方，那兒寶爸的數(shù)量經(jīng)常超過寶媽。盤腿坐在那兒，我會發(fā)現(xiàn)旁邊要不就是一個沉默寡言的瑞典工程師、要么是一個紋身很重的摩托車手、或是一個來自印度金奈的程序員移民，我們的小孩兒就在那兒玩積木、撥浪鼓和手鼓。

This type of stylish dad gained prominence in the 2010s. Through the family leave program, both parents receive a collective 480 days and the parents can choose who gets to use them (and the policy encourage dads to use them first). This has led to more dads staying home with the kids and has allowed more women to pursue their careers.

這些時髦的父親是在2010年代慢慢出名起來的。家庭產(chǎn)假計劃讓父母雙方可以共享480天的產(chǎn)假，兩人可以選擇誰來休產(chǎn)假（且政策鼓勵爸爸先休）。這導(dǎo)致更多的爸爸們選擇待在家里帶孩子，也讓更多的女性可以從事自己的事業(yè)。


雖然名字叫做Latte Pappa，但是寶爸們不可能只在咖啡廳里帶孩子。超市、書店、游樂園都有他們的身影。

不過最重要的育兒場所自然是——家。

那里才能觀察和體驗到最真實，同時也意味著最辛苦的育兒過程。

瑞典攝影師Johan B?vman的攝影展Swedish Fathers《瑞典爸爸》在超過65個國家展出，2017年還來過中國上海。這一攝影作品歷時兩年完成，共拍攝了45組瑞典父子。

照片中的場景多為凌亂的廚房、衛(wèi)生間、臥室、浴室，全職爸爸們多是手忙腳亂的，無論他們在孩子出生前所從事的職業(yè)是土木工程師還是電工，面對少則1個，多則3個小生命，喂食、輔助排便、陪伴玩耍、清理房間等不可避免地成為了他們多任務(wù)操作的一環(huán)。

《衛(wèi)報》記者Richard Orange 2012年曾當(dāng)過數(shù)月全職爸爸，他在文章中描述了帶娃的一天，讀者們都直呼“真實”，他的文字和Johan的照片共同拼湊出了一個媽媽平常的一天——孩子哭的撕心裂肺，自己心急如焚，想盡辦法用盡招數(shù)也止不住哭。

It's around 6 pm at the end of my third week of paternity leave, and since 5:30 pm I've checked the kitchen clock every five minutes.

現(xiàn)在是我休爸爸產(chǎn)假的第三周末尾的下午6點左右，從下午5點半開始，我每隔5分鐘就要看一次廚房的鬧鐘。

My daughter Eira is crying and I can't work out what she wants. I try walking her around the kitchen for what seems like the 50th time today. I thrust a maniacally smiling wooden caterpillar at her, hoping it'll placate her. I've tried whisks, pots, the colander, all objects that have fascinated in the past, but nothing works.

我女兒埃拉在哭，我不知道她想要什么。我試著帶她在廚房里轉(zhuǎn)轉(zhuǎn)，好像是今天第50次這么干了，沒有效果。我把一只面帶大笑的木頭毛毛蟲伸到她面前，希望能安撫她，她還是在哭。我還試過打蛋器、茶壺、濾鍋，所有這些過去能吸引她的東西都不管用。

看了眼紙尿褲，是干的，用尤克里里彈兒歌，也沒用，最后把小孩兒舉到鏡子前，反倒奏了效。

I peek inside her nappy, more for something to do than because I think it needs changing. I try playing her a Swedish children's song on the ukelele, but realize that's more for my own pleasure than hers. Finally I bounce her in front of the mirror in the hall, which, as always, snaps her out of it, and I stare at her happy gurgling face next to my own desperate smile.

我看了眼她的尿布，明知道不需要換，但我就是想找點事兒干。我試著用尤克里里給她彈瑞典兒歌，但我意識到根本就沒取悅到她，還不如說是在取悅我自己。最后，我把她舉到門廳的鏡子前，如往常一樣，她終于喜笑顏開，我盯著她那快樂的咯咯笑的臉，那張臉旁邊是我絕望的微笑。

When my wife Mia finally gets home, I hand the baby over and drop exhausted on to the sofa. I'm so tired that I'm in bed by nine, about the same time as Eira, and sleep through until 5:30 am, when her coughing and crying wakes me to the next day of my six-month stint.

我妻子米婭終于下班到家時，我就把孩子交給她，精疲力盡地倒在沙發(fā)上。我太累了，九點就上床睡覺了，差不多和埃拉睡覺的時間一樣，一直睡到早上5點半，她的咳嗽和哭聲把我吵醒，開啟6個月產(chǎn)假中的下一天。

累到不過晚上9點就能和孩子一起睡著，5:30就被咳嗽和啼哭叫醒，這典型的一天會重復(fù)180次，直到男性產(chǎn)假結(jié)束。

英國沒有瑞典那么大規(guī)模的爸爸帶娃現(xiàn)象，因此這段經(jīng)歷給英國記者Richard Orange帶來了新知。

他意識到自己帶娃之前以為自己能和媽媽們“共情”——在帶娃這事兒上感同身受——有多么淺薄。

It has only taken a few weeks of this for me to know what the overwhelming majority of British fathers never find out. When I thought I was being sympathetic to my wife during her child leave, I wasn't being nearly sympathetic enough. And when I thought I was being understanding, I didn't understand a thing.

我只花了幾個星期的時間就體會到了絕大多數(shù)英國父親從不知道的事情。我以為我在妻子休產(chǎn)假期間算是能共情的了，但其實遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不夠。我以為我足夠了解帶孩子的困難，其實我一無所知。

他采訪的軟件工程師Leon的觀點也如出一轍。

In Sweden, men's painful discovery of how exhausting it is to look after a baby is believed to aid parental harmony. "You get a whole different understanding of how it is to take care of a child, because work is nothing in comparison," says Leon, 34, a software developer I met pushing his baby daughter on one of the swings in front of a Malm? café frequented by dads who use the playground. "I don't think looking after a child for a weekend is enough. You have two days of chaos, but you don't get into the routines."

瑞典男性痛苦地發(fā)現(xiàn)照顧孩子是多么累人，人們認(rèn)為這有助于父母和諧。在馬爾默城一個帶孩子來玩兒的寶爸們經(jīng)常光顧的咖啡館前面，我碰到了34歲的程序員里昂，他正推著女兒蕩秋千，他說：“你對帶小孩兒這件事兒會有一個完全不同的理解，因為工作與之相比真的就算不了什么。我覺得光是周末照顧照顧小孩是不夠的。你就經(jīng)歷了兩天混亂而已，你根本不知道日常能有多亂?！?/p>

在爸爸帶娃的敘事中，旁觀者難免會首先注意到“拿鐵爸爸”摩登、溫柔、男子力的特質(zhì)。

但育兒的本質(zhì)不是陪玩和喝咖啡，它的瑣碎藏在新聞頭圖的背后，在半夜啼哭的嬰兒房、在水濺一身的浴室、在每一個為嬰兒擋開的尖銳家具角。

人類幼崽的特殊性決定了，帶孩子，就是24小時隨時在他/她身邊待命。

所以，拿鐵爸爸們受到許多女性贊賞不在于他們把嬰兒車在大街上推出了秀場男模范兒，而在于他們真實承擔(dān)了育兒責(zé)任，讓妻子不僅能夠喘息，更能兼顧工作。

Swedes tend to see generous shared parental leave as good for the economy, since it prevents the nation's investment in women's education and expertise from going to waste.

瑞典人往往認(rèn)為，給足共享育兒假對發(fā)展經(jīng)濟其實有好處，因為可以防止浪費國家對女性教育和專業(yè)培養(yǎng)的投資。

帶娃當(dāng)然不止苦與累，Richard Orange回望收獲，記錄道：

“許多我聊過的拿鐵爸爸都提到自己和孩子的關(guān)系更親近了，要是自己白天上班導(dǎo)致只能周末或晚上跟孩子相處的話，關(guān)系就會淡得多。我女兒Eira現(xiàn)在一不高興或者累了什么的就會往我這兒跑。她爺爺奶奶還有我朋友來做客的時候，現(xiàn)在都是我把他們給說煩了，我能事無巨細(xì)描述我女兒最近心情咋樣、學(xué)會了什么新技能、愛吃些啥。

我對她成長中的每個小階段都無比了解。我現(xiàn)在覺得，照顧小孩你得能夠特別仔細(xì)認(rèn)真地準(zhǔn)備和打包那些個育兒設(shè)備、還得能面對臭臭忍得住惡心、得要心理素質(zhì)強大等等等等，這些能力，并非天生就是母職的一部分?！?/p>

你身邊有這樣的“拿鐵爸爸”嗎？

Notes

pram [pr?m] n. 嬰兒車

tote [to?t] v. 攜帶；搬運

taciturn [?t?s?t??rn] adj. 不茍言笑的；沉默寡言的；緘默不語的

（來源：中國日報雙語新聞微信  編輯：左卓、丹妮）