眾所周知，除了生日小丑和獨(dú)角滑稽秀演員，最厲害的段子手就是各家的爸爸們。他們最擅長(zhǎng)一詞多用，妙語(yǔ)連珠。盡管他們這種喜劇風(fēng)格并不是所有的人都鐘愛(ài)，但對(duì)于一個(gè)不失時(shí)機(jī)的小笑話，任何人都會(huì)報(bào)以好感，哪怕是極少的一點(diǎn)好感。如果講笑話的人講完笑話又開(kāi)始發(fā)出雷鳴般的傻笑，再加上一個(gè)經(jīng)典的“槍”型手勢(shì)，觀眾們更是控制不住要發(fā)笑了。來(lái)看看下面從全網(wǎng)搜集的最佳“爸爸笑話”。

1. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

今天我的兒子問(wèn)我“能給我張書(shū)簽嗎？”我頓時(shí)淚如泉涌。他已經(jīng)11歲了，仍不知道我的名字叫Brian.

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

So sorry Brian, one day he'll get it!

Brian我真為你難過(guò)，有一天他會(huì)明白的。

2. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

我妻子說(shuō)我毫無(wú)方向感，為此她非常生氣。所以我收拾好自己的行李就向右走了。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

I love this one.

好喜歡這個(gè)笑話

3. DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

爸爸：我進(jìn)城的路上一直在聽(tīng)收音機(jī)，聽(tīng)說(shuō)有個(gè)女明星剛剛自殺了。

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

哦天吶！是誰(shuí)呀?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

呃，我不記得了……我記得好像叫Reese什么什么吧

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

媽媽: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife……

爸爸：不，好像是用一把刀

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Groan - nice one!

大笑不止——這個(gè)笑話真不錯(cuò)！

（注： WITHERSPOON與with a spoon諧音）

4. Did you know the first French fries weren't actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

你知不知道，第一份法國(guó)薯?xiàng)l其實(shí)不是在法國(guó)誕生的？它們是在希臘誕生的。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

This was so stupid that i actually laughed out loud.

這個(gè)笑話好蠢，我都笑出聲了。

（注：Greece與greese諧音）

5. If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

如果一個(gè)孩子拒絕在午睡時(shí)間睡覺(jué)，他們會(huì)因拘捕獲罪嗎？

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

If the kid wants to avoid a rest, he should go under cover ;)

如果那孩子想逃避追捕，他應(yīng)該尋求掩護(hù)

（注：resisting a rest還可以理解為“拒絕休息”，undercover還可以理解成“躲在披蓋下面”）

6. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

我在讀一本關(guān)于反重力的書(shū)。我無(wú)法把它放下來(lái)！

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

You must obey gravity, it's the law

你不能違抗重力，這是自然法則。

7. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

你怎么稱呼一個(gè)既沒(méi)有身體，也沒(méi)有鼻子的人？沒(méi)人知道

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

你怎么稱呼一只沒(méi)有眼睛的鹿？我也不知道。

（注：Nobody knows與no body nose諧音；no idea與no eye deer諧音）

8. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.

我在亞馬遜上訂購(gòu)了一只雞，一個(gè)雞蛋。我會(huì)讓你們知道結(jié)果的。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Eggs still came first, but for another reason. The first chicken had to come out of a chicken egg as it would otherwise not be called that. The animal that lay it however, does not necessarily had to be a chicken (yet).

肯定是先有蛋，才有雞。不過(guò)我有新的解釋。第一只雞肯定是從雞蛋里孵出來(lái)的，否則“雞蛋”就不叫“雞蛋”了。而下蛋的動(dòng)物并不一定是雞（或許還沒(méi)進(jìn)化成雞）。

9. What is the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.

世界上最少人使用的語(yǔ)言是哪種語(yǔ)言？手語(yǔ)。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

You got me.

戳中我的笑點(diǎn)。

（注： the least spoken language還可以理解成“說(shuō)的人最少的語(yǔ)言”）

10. My daughter screeched, "Daaaaaad, you haven't listened to one word I've said, have you!?" What a strange way to start a conversation with me..

我女兒對(duì)我尖叫說(shuō)，“爸——爸，我說(shuō)的話你一個(gè)字都沒(méi)聽(tīng)到，對(duì)不對(duì)？”想跟爸爸說(shuō)話，一開(kāi)始就來(lái)這樣一句，真奇怪啊!

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Nice one!

這個(gè)笑話不錯(cuò)！

11. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

在牙買加，一份蘋(píng)果派的價(jià)格是2.5美元，在巴哈馬群島是3美元。由此可以知道加勒比海沿岸的派的價(jià)格。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Ha! Nice

不錯(cuò)

（注：pie與π諧音，These are the pie rates of the Caribbean這句話還可以理解為“由此可以計(jì)算出加勒比海沿岸的圓周率”）

12. My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

我妻子想用一只手解開(kāi)我女兒身上的安全帶，她說(shuō)“那些只有一條胳膊的媽媽是怎么做到這件事的呢？”我不失時(shí)機(jī)地回復(fù)道，“獨(dú)自一個(gè)人做到?！?/p>

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Ha! That was just before she swiped at you

她聽(tīng)完一定會(huì)錘你。

（注：Single handedly可以有兩種意思，一是“單手”。二是“獨(dú)自一人”）

13. Justice is a dish best served cold, if it were served warm it would be justwater.

正義應(yīng)該是一道冷盤。如果它是一道熱菜，它就應(yīng)該寫(xiě)作justwater

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

Took me a few secs to get it but, well done.

我想了一會(huì)兒才明白過(guò)來(lái)，干得好！

14. My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well.

我的朋友一直對(duì)我說(shuō)，“兄弟，振作起來(lái)！你的情況已經(jīng)算不錯(cuò)了！幸好你不是被困在地下一個(gè)注滿水的洞里！”我知道他是一番好意。

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

A well is an underground hole full of water.

“井”就是地下注滿水的洞。

（注：he means well還可以理解成“他指的是一口井”）

15. MOM: "How do I look?" DAD: "With your eyes."

媽媽：“我看起來(lái)怎么樣？”爸爸：“用你的眼睛啊！”

網(wǎng)友評(píng)論：

I need to use this for every person that asks me this question

我會(huì)對(duì)每個(gè)向我問(wèn)這個(gè)問(wèn)題的人這樣回答。

（注：How do I look還可以理解成“我是怎么看見(jiàn)世界的？”這里爸爸利用了這層意思）

（來(lái)源：滬江英語(yǔ)）