First, it's just one text that goes unanswered.

先是一條短信，TA沒(méi)回。

Then, it's 10. Your calls go to voicemail and the silence grows deeper by the minute. You may start to worry: Could something have happened to your friend? What else could explain their sudden disappearance?

然后就變成了十條。你打去的電話沒(méi)人接，時(shí)間一分分過(guò)去，沉默越來(lái)越深。這時(shí)你可能開始擔(dān)憂了：是你的朋友出了什么意外嗎？不然怎么會(huì)突然沒(méi)了消息呢？

Eventually, a social media update or a mutual friend will give you the answer. Your former confidant is alive and well.

后來(lái)，社交媒體上出現(xiàn)了一條動(dòng)態(tài)，或者你們的共同好友讓你知道了答案：你從前的那位好朋友還活著，而且過(guò)得很好。

But they have just vanished from your life. They are ghosting you.

只是，他從你的生活中突然消失了。他對(duì)你玩了一回“神隱”。

Ghosting, which means cutting off all communication without offering an explanation, has only recently entered the popular lexicon. But it's a behavior likely as old as human interactions have existed.

“神隱”，意思是不做任何解釋就切斷所有聯(lián)系。這個(gè)詞最近剛流行起來(lái)。不過(guò)，“神隱”這種行為的歷史可能和人類交往的歷史一樣悠久。

The term originated in the context of dating, but ghosting also occurs in friendships and is even becoming a noticeable trend in professional relationships.

“神隱”，這一說(shuō)法最初源于情場(chǎng)，但現(xiàn)在朋友之間也會(huì)“神隱”，甚至在職場(chǎng)上它也形成了一股令人矚目的風(fēng)潮。

A number of employers "said that they had been ghosted, a situation in which a worker stops coming to work without notice and then is impossible to contact," the Federal Reserve Bank of Chicago noted in December's Beige Book, a report tracking employment trends.

芝加哥聯(lián)邦儲(chǔ)備銀行在去年十二月的一份就業(yè)趨勢(shì)報(bào)告Beige Book中寫道，不少雇主已經(jīng)“自稱被神隱了，下屬不打招呼就不來(lái)上班了，而且怎么都聯(lián)系不上”。

很多人都被“神隱”過(guò)

Ghosting is common and can happen to anyone.

“神隱”挺常見的，任何人都可能遇到。

A study of 1,300 people, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 2018, found that about a quarter of the participants had been ghosted by a partner, while one-fifth reported that they had ghosted someone themselves.

2018年《社會(huì)和人際關(guān)系》雜志上刊登了一項(xiàng)針對(duì)1300人的研究，其中有四分之一都自稱被伴侶“神隱”過(guò)，五分之一自稱“神隱”過(guò)別人。

Ghosting in friendships may be even more common; more than a third of study participants reported that they had ghosted a friend or had been ghosted by one.

朋友間的“神隱”可能更普遍，有超過(guò)三分之一的研究對(duì)象都自稱“神隱”過(guò)朋友或被朋友“神隱”過(guò)。

These figures may be even higher, as another 2018 survey found that 65 percent of participants reported previously ghosting a partner, and 72 percent reported that their partner had ghosted them.

真實(shí)的數(shù)字可能比這還高：另有一項(xiàng)2018年的調(diào)查顯示，有65％的研究對(duì)象說(shuō)自己”神隱“過(guò)伴侶，72％說(shuō)自己被伴侶”神隱“過(guò)。

Ghosting is a strategy that may have gained popularity via new technology, as texting, online dating and social media have changed the way people connect, as well as how romantic partners find each other.

“神隱”這種手段也許是隨著新技術(shù)流行開來(lái)的。信息、線上約會(huì)和社交媒體改變了人和人聯(lián)結(jié)的方式，也改變了人們找對(duì)象的方式。

Today, people can go on dates with someone they would have never met otherwise, rather than meeting them at a corner store or at their friends' gatherings.

如今，人們可以和從前絕不可能認(rèn)識(shí)的人約會(huì)，而不必指望著在街角商店或是在朋友家的聚會(huì)上相識(shí)。

Without a mutual social network tying two strangers together, it's easier to just drop everything and vanish without any consequences, Tara Collins, an associate professor ofpsychology at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, South Carolina, told LiveScience.

美國(guó)南卡羅來(lái)納州石山市溫所普大學(xué)心理學(xué)系的副教授Tara Collins告訴Live Science，沒(méi)有了共同的社交網(wǎng)絡(luò)維系兩個(gè)陌生人，人們很容易就會(huì)拋下一段關(guān)系并就此消失。

什么樣的人容易“神隱”

When being ghosted, people often take it to reflect on themselves — their own wrong behavior, imperfections and flaws. But ghosting actually reveals more about the personality of the ghoster than the ghostee.

被“神隱”的人常常會(huì)反省自己做錯(cuò)了什么、哪里不夠完美或是有缺陷。但實(shí)際上，“神隱”更多地揭示了“神隱”者的特質(zhì)，而非被“神隱”者。

"The people who do not like to have emotional closeness, they're probably more likely to ghost," Collins said.

“那些不喜歡親密情緒的人，更有可能會(huì)‘神隱’?！笨屏炙拐f(shuō)。

But there are many other factors and personality traits involved in leading people to ghost.

但是，還有其它因素和人格特質(zhì)會(huì)導(dǎo)致“神隱”行為。

In a 2018 study, researchers divided people into: those who have a fixed mindset about the future, believe in destiny and think that a relationship is either meant to be or not; and those who have a growth mindset and believe relationships take work to grow.

在2018年的一項(xiàng)研究中，研究者將對(duì)象分成了兩組：一組對(duì)未來(lái)抱有固定心態(tài)，他們相信宿命，認(rèn)為一段感情的成敗早已注定；另一組懷著成長(zhǎng)心態(tài)，認(rèn)為戀情需要努力經(jīng)營(yíng)才能發(fā)展。

People with stronger destiny beliefs were 60 percent more likely than the other group to see ghosting as an acceptable way to end a relationship and were more likely to do it.

有強(qiáng)烈宿命感的一組認(rèn)為“神隱”是分手的恰當(dāng)方式的比率比另外那組高出了60％，他們也更可能在戀愛中選擇“神隱”。

Those with stronger growth beliefs were 40 percent less likely than the destiny group to say that ghosting was acceptable, according to the study, which was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.

更相信感情成長(zhǎng)的那組認(rèn)同“神隱”的比例則比宿命組低了40％。這項(xiàng)研究已經(jīng)發(fā)表在《社會(huì)與人際關(guān)系》雜志上。

“神隱”其實(shí)蠻傷人的

Lack of communication leaves people in a mind-boggling limbo where they don't know how to act and respond.

缺乏溝通還會(huì)把人拋進(jìn)一個(gè)迷失躊躇的困境，使他們不知道該如何應(yīng)對(duì)。

"Social cues allow us to regulate our own behavior accordingly, but ghosting deprives you of these usual clues and can create a sense of emotional dysregulation where you feel out of control," Jennice Vilhauer, psychologist at Emory University, wrote in Psychology Today.

埃默里大學(xué)的心理學(xué)家Jennice Vilhauer在《今日心理學(xué)》雜志上寫道：“社交線索是調(diào)節(jié)自身行為的標(biāo)桿。而‘神隱’斬?cái)嗔诉@些常見的線索，會(huì)使你感覺到情緒失調(diào)，對(duì)行為也失去了控制?！?/p>

All of this can be particularly difficult for people who are sensitive to feelings of uncertainty and ambiguity.

對(duì)不確定性和模棱兩可比較敏感的人，對(duì)此會(huì)格外難受。

These people not only have to manage the pain of rejection but also face the stress generated by the mountain of unresolved questions — Was it something they did that ended the relationship? Did they offend their friend? Did their partner leave them for someone else?

他們不僅要消化被拒絕的痛苦，還要負(fù)擔(dān)堆積如山的未解之謎造成的壓力：是自己做錯(cuò)了什么才使關(guān)系結(jié)束了嗎？是自己惹朋友不開心了嗎？還是TA離開自己跟別人走了？

關(guān)于男朋友不回消息的建議？

勸分，下一題。

編輯：張曦

實(shí)習(xí)生：鐘文興

來(lái)源：Live Science

參考：果殼網(wǎng)