相愛的人為什么會分手？這可能是很多人苦苦求索而不得的一大難題。

明明海誓山盟言猶在耳，執(zhí)子之手的承諾仿如昨日，怎么一轉(zhuǎn)眼就變了？

25歲的詩人Taylor Myers在社交媒體Tumblr上寫了幾段話，不加掩飾地表露了自己對愛的恐懼，而正是這短短的幾段話，戳中了百萬人的心，收到148萬的點贊和轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)評論。

Her post, raw, fearful and full of regret, touched many people who had experienced the shocking contrasts between the intense, burning adoration of young love, and the cold ashes of realism that remain once the fire has faded.
她的帖子未加矯飾，帶著恐懼，充滿遺憾，觸動了許多人的心。這些人都經(jīng)歷過兩種感情的強(qiáng)烈對比——年少熱戀時強(qiáng)烈而炙熱的愛慕，和一旦激情愛火燃盡后，只?，F(xiàn)實冰冷的灰燼。

一起來看看她的原話：

A lot of people ask me what my biggest fear is, or what scares me most. And I know they expect an answer like heights, or closed spaces, or people dressed like animals, but how do I tell them that when I was 17 I took a class called Relationships For Life and I learned that most people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it.
很多人問我，我最大的恐懼是什么，或者什么東西讓我最害怕。我知道他們希望得到諸如恐高、密閉空間或扮成動物的人這類答案。但我怎么告訴他們呢，17歲的時候，我上了一堂“人生情感”的課程，發(fā)現(xiàn)大多數(shù)人不愛了的原因和當(dāng)初墜入愛河的原因完全相同。

That their lover’s once endearing stubbornness has now become refusal to compromise and their one track mind is now immaturity and their bad habits that you once adored is now money down the drain.
他們愛人身上曾經(jīng)可愛的固執(zhí)如今成了不肯妥協(xié)，他們曾經(jīng)一根筋的蠻勁如今成了不成熟的表現(xiàn)，他們曾惹你喜愛的壞習(xí)慣如今成了燒錢的事兒。

Their spontaneity becomes reckless and irresponsible and their feet up on your dash is no longer sexy, just another distraction in your busy life.
他們的真性情成了魯莽和不負(fù)責(zé)任，他們把腳翹在儀表盤上的動作不再性感迷人，只不過是你繁忙生活中另一件讓人心煩意亂的事情。

Nothing saddens and scares me like the thought that I can become ugly to someone who once thought all the stars were in my eyes.
對于那個曾認(rèn)為世間一切燦爛星辰盡在我眼中的人而言，我可能會變得丑陋不堪，一想到這些，沒有什么事比這更令我悲傷、害怕了。

這篇文章發(fā)布后，引起了網(wǎng)友的廣泛共鳴。

Taylor完全沒想到自己的這篇文章會爆火，之后她又寫了一篇文章，進(jìn)一步分享自己上過的情感課程和對愛情、婚姻的看法。

She had no idea the post would take off this much, so she wrote a follow-up post to clarify a few things about the class and the love lessons she learned.
她完全沒想到這篇帖子會這么火，所以又寫了一篇文章解釋了一下關(guān)于課程和她所學(xué)到的愛情心得。

相比于上一篇帖子，她從另一個角度分享自己的看法，然后，又戳中了大量網(wǎng)友的心！

愛到底是什么？是種感覺，還是種選擇呢？來聽聽Taylor怎么說。

I never expected this to be my most popular poem out of the hundreds I've written. I was extremely bitter and sad when I wrote this and I left out the most beautiful part of that class.
我從沒想過這會成為我寫過的上百首詩歌里最受歡迎的。寫作那篇文章的時候，我內(nèi)心極度痛苦、悲傷，而忽略了那個課程最美好的部分。

After my teacher introduced us to this theory, she asked us, "is love a feeling? Or is it a choice?" We were all a bunch of teenagers. Naturally we said it was a feeling. She said that if we clung to that belief, we'd never have a lasting relationship of any sort.
老師給我們介紹了這個理論后，她問道：“愛是一種感覺？還是一種選擇呢？”我們一群青少年，很自然地回答說是一種感覺。她說，如果我們堅持這種觀念，將永遠(yuǎn)無法擁有任何一種長久的關(guān)系。

She made us interview a dozen adults who were or had been married and we asked them about their marriages and why it lasted or why it failed. At the end, I asked every single person if love was an emotion or a choice.
她讓我們?nèi)ゲ稍L了一些曾結(jié)過婚或處于婚姻中的成年人，詢問他們的婚姻狀況，為何長久或為何以失敗告終。最后，我問每一個人，愛是一種情感還是一種選擇。

Everybody said that it was a choice. It was a conscious commitment. It was something you choose to make work every day with a person who has chosen the same thing.
每個人都說，愛是種選擇。愛是一種有意識的承諾，是你選擇和一個人日復(fù)一日堅持維系下去的一件事，而那個人也同樣選擇這么做。

They all said that at one point in their marriage, the "feeling of love" had vanished or faded and they weren't happy. They said feelings are always changing and you cannot build something that will last on such a shaky foundation.
他們都說，在自己婚姻中的某一刻，這種“愛的感覺”消失了，或褪色了，他們不再感到快樂。他們說，感覺一直在變，在這種搖搖欲墜的基礎(chǔ)上，你建不起來什么長久的東西。

The married ones said that when things were bad, they chose to open the communication, chose to identify what broke and how to fix it, and chose to recreate something worth falling in love with.
還在一起的人說當(dāng)情況不妙時，他們會選擇溝通，去搞清楚到底哪里出問題了，要怎么修復(fù)。他們會選擇重新創(chuàng)造一些事情，值得雙方去投入感情。

The divorced ones said they chose to walk away.
離婚人士則表示，他們選擇了離開。

Ever since that class, since that project, I never looked at relationships the same way. I understood why arranged marriages were successful.
自從參加那個課程以后，我看待情感關(guān)系的方式完全不同了。我也明白了，為什么包辦婚姻會成功。

I discovered the difference in feelings and commitments. I've never gone for the person who makes my heart flutter or my head spin. I've chosen the people who were committed to choosing me, dedicated to finding something to adore even on the ugliest days. 我發(fā)現(xiàn)了感情和承諾之間的區(qū)別。我從未主動靠近那些撩撥我心弦或讓我勞神的人。我選擇的都是那些承諾選擇我的人，他們愿意認(rèn)真去尋找一些哪怕在最不堪的日子里也能讓人心生喜歡的東西。

I no longer fear the day someone who swore I was their universe can no longer see the stars in my eyes as long as they still choose to look until they find them again.
我不再害怕那些說我是他們整個宇宙的人有一天在我的眼中看不到星星，只要他們?nèi)赃x擇繼續(xù)尋找，總有一天，星辰會再次出現(xiàn)。

在她的貼文下面，深有感觸的網(wǎng)友紛紛留言。

53歲的老直男，三月娶了一個25歲的姑娘。你真的要堅持不懈地尋找那些星辰，如果你找到了，它們總會留在那兒的。

這個道理最讓人戳心的一點是，你要確定自己的伴侶是真的也選擇對這段感情付出承諾，還是他們只是懶得選擇而和你在一起。

最讓人心痛的是，當(dāng)你仍然愿意做出選擇時，對方卻已經(jīng)放棄了。

最近剛分手，心如刀割，這篇文章幫了大忙（讓我哭得更兇了……）

這就是“迷戀”與“成熟的愛”之間的區(qū)別。這是一種選擇，需要經(jīng)營。

行動才是最有力的語言。我已經(jīng)厭倦了聽甜言蜜語，卻看不到一點愛的表現(xiàn)。

此文讓我想起托馬斯?孟蓀的名言：“選你所愛，愛你所選?！蔽覀兂３Ｍ魫矍榫拖衩倒?，只有細(xì)心滋養(yǎng)才能盛放。

也有人不同意作者的觀點：

我不同意。愛是一種感情，一種感覺，人們常將其和其他轉(zhuǎn)瞬即逝的情感混淆。選擇是伴隨著承諾而來的。你可以選擇愛而不承諾，也可以選擇承諾而不愛。前者不會長久，后者卻可維持下去。但愛的同時付出承諾，才是最完美的結(jié)果。

還有不少網(wǎng)友為想結(jié)婚的人提了很實在的建議：

別！太！早！結(jié)！婚！年輕時的婚姻，幾乎都是基于單純的感情，你需要足夠成熟才能做出理智的決定。

我建議人們保持單身，直到你遇到一個真正能讓你的生活比單身時更加美滿的人。不然，結(jié)婚就不值得。

好好了解自己，讓自己的內(nèi)心強(qiáng)大起來，這樣你才能建立一個健康公平的底線，明確自己不能容忍哪些事情，比如“我不會容忍你生氣時就對我人身攻擊?！币粋€健康的界限，用有愛的方式商討清楚，有助于鞏固感情。

愛情是感情還是選擇，你對此有什么看法，歡迎討論。

編輯：唐曉敏 左卓
來源：Boredpanda